People judge us within a few seconds, and they have pretty much made up their mind about us. Research shows that the first impressions are lasting impressions – the opinions people make of us right at the start of a relationship rarely change. One study says it takes atleast eight pieces of positive information to change a negative first impression. So, if you get to a bad start, you may find it a challenge to recover from it.
Hence, YOU NEED TO PLAN CAREFULLY TO CREATE PRECISELY THE IMPRESSION YOU WANT.
In her book Charisma: How to get that Special Magic, Marcia Grad lists six simple steps to making a positive first impression. She calls it the SOFTEN approach: Smiling, Open Body language, Forward lean, Touch (for example, hand shake), Eye contact, Nod.
Smiling – makes the world smile back
There is nothing like a genuine smile to get a good start with someone. It says a lot of positive things about you – that you are happy, confident, approachable, enthusiastic, positive…to name a few. On the other hand, if you do not smile, you come across as worried, uncomfortable, grumpy…
When you smile, others tend to smile back. Your smile should be natural: it slowly floods through your face and fades.
Open body language – opens the door to good relationships
Open body language, especially when you meet someone for the first time, signals that you are open to them emotionally. Folded arms, crossed legs, face turned away from the person, these are some gestures which mean to imply you are not interested or lack confidence.
Forward lean – shows you are interested in them
By leaning forward slightly, when you meet someone, you signal in a subtle way that you are interested in them. If you lean back, or keep them at a distance, you signal that you are not interested in them.
Touch – creates a lasting impression
In the business world, one of the first things we do when we meet people is shake hands. This is probably the only time we touch each other, and it is an important way of making a connection. People read a lot into that brief moment, so you need to get it right each time. Some tips:
Pressure: Get the pressure right: not too soft, not too firm either. A limp lifeless hand shows you are weak or submissive. A very firm hand shake shows rudeness. In the business world, handshakes with women should also be firm.
Web to web: The web between the thumb and index finger of the two people should meet. Your arm should come straight ahead, just above the waist.
Shake it up: Two to three shakes of the hand are just right.
Sweating and Fretting: If you are nervous, your hands will sweat. Sweaty hands do not leave a rosy picture. Wipe your hands with a tissue before you shake hands, but do not do this in open.
Hugging and Kissing: In some cultures, people hug or kiss when they meet. The local custom should be followed regarding the number of kisses or the style or strength of the hug.
Eye contact – opens the window to your soul
When you look into someone’s eyes, you connect with them emotionally. A second or so of contact, just enough to know the colour of the eyes, is enough to show that affection. People who do not look into the eyes appear uncomfortable, submissive, uncertain or shifty. If they look too long, it feels intimidating or intense.
Nod – affirms your positive feeling
A nod is an expression of agreement and affirmation. Not too many nods, not too low and not too quickly – will help you make the right impact.
Hence, a few simple moves and its bang on! As said earlier, "Personal Impact - What it takes to make a difference" by Vickers, Bavister and Smith is a wonderful book that describes these in great depth. Suggest all to go through it.
